Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Yes, I said it. Sucked. Yesterday was a tough day mentally. Leading up to yesterday, I had been fighting discouragement. I have never been one to sit much. Even being a writer, I have to get up from my chair frequently and do something else. These past two and a half weeks have been a complete shift from my norm.
I’m up early (dragging, but up), getting kids ready for school, racing up and down stairs, searching for shoes, backpacks, you name it. Once kids are gone, I am cleaning the kitchen, starting laundry and crossing things off my personal to-do list as well as what the household needs done. And highlights of my hectic schedule include Bible studies and breakfast with girlfriends at First Watch. Throw in a shower and some exercise, and many unexpected interruptions, and you have daily living.
So I want the healing to come faster. It has been over two weeks for gripe sake. Seriously, how long must this take? I can’t even put pressure on it. But I have told myself I refuse to focus on the negative, but to find the positives in this time of being mostly sedentary. I have been intentional about counting my blessings daily. But yesterday, it felt like a losing battle.
Yesterday, I had a lot of other people on my mind and my heart. A couple we went to church with for years in Oklahoma buried their teenage son yesterday. I can’t imagine the depths of their agony. I prayed for them all day.
Yesterday, I learned an acquaintance has had hospice called in for her as she loses her fight with cancer. I thought she was winning this battle. Yesterday, I found out otherwise. My heart aches for her and her family. She is my age. She is supposed to have her whole life ahead of her still.
Yesterday, I prayed and worried over the future of our country. Normally, I don’t take that one on, to be honest. (Yes. I know. We all should. For real.) But as I prayed constantly through out the day for my friends at Hobby Lobby going before the Supreme Court, I worried about the future of our nation. I worried for my children. And my unborn grandchildren.
And to pile it on, I spent too much time reading all the articles and arguments over the policy change at World Vision. This heated debate, and the fact that there are issues being debated that I personally cannot believe even need to be debated, added to my concern for the future of our great country. Again more specifically, my children. And my future grandchildren.
Maybe I was globalizing my emotions, but it was a sucky day. My heart was really heavy all day. My heart was heavy for others. And it made me feel guilty and petty feeling so down about my injuries. Yes, I ache from head to toe. I have new bruises from new falls because these crutches are going to be the death of me. My hands and under my arms ache more than words can describe from using the crutches. My left shoulder hurts to move or lift. And to add insult to injury, I am now battling a sinus infection.
But with all that, I truly have no reason to complain. No reason to feel down. This too shall pass. Which adds to my heavy heart because I know better than to let myself be discouraged. Those I mentioned above have far greater burdens right now. So more guilt piles on. What a vicious little cycle. Ugh.
I know this is a growing opportunity. God is not going to waste this discomfort. He will use it to teach me valuable lessons and grow me more. However, they are called growing pains for a reason.
I will learn something important from this temporary trial. And I will make sure that good comes from it. Probably not today. Or tomorrow. Because I still just feel whiney and heavy-hearted. But very soon.
If you think of it, please pray for the families I mentioned above. They are carrying real burdens and real heartache that a few more weeks in a big, black boot won’t fix. Hold them in prayer.
And thanks for allowing me to be brutally honest by saying yesterday sucked. Some days just do.
“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” ~ Matthew 11:28-30 NKJV