Posts Tagged feelings

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

We are 7 days and counting until we move into our new house. When we moved to Kansas a year ago, we rented a home at the edge of the city. It has been a nice area to live, and driving across the lake to go home each day is a pleasant experience. But we are excited to be moving into a home on an acre lot across town. That will be ours.

It is a one-owner, 32 year old home. It is has been loved and well-maintained. However, it is like walking into 1979, also. Dated is an understatement. Not to mention, there is a very strong smell of – you guessed it – moth balls. I am down-right giddy about settling into our out-dated-moth-ball-smelling house. It is going to be wonderful. A big, long project. But wonderful. Pictures will be coming in the future.

But all that to say, I am going crazy here. There are boxes stacked higher than I can reach, and it feels like we are camping because I have packed so much already. There are no less than 7 appointments this week, and about 10 calls I have to make regarding the move. And….AND….my precious little ankle-biters are driving me insane. I won’t dwell on that last part. But I feel like a bad reality show is being filmed in my house.

I know this negative-overwhelmed-attitude is a temporary feeling. I tell myself that about 20 times a day. Goodness. It is hard sometimes, to remember things really are NOT bad when you are in the trenches, buried in boxes, kids toys strewn about, and hauling them from here to there. Not to mention their marathon of bickering going on.

In an effort to salvage my negative attitude, I listened to Zig Ziglar while I was packing my bedroom. He talked about changing our thoughts and words from “have to” to “get to” when we are referring to our commitments.

I get to pack for my new home. I get to take care of my kids during their summer break. I get to take my kids places and see them enjoy their summer. I get to….

Zig is right. That small shift in wording can make a huge difference in one’s attitude. I still need a lot of practice. Some days, more than others. But why does it have to be so stinkin’ hard some days? Sigh. Despite feeling crummy the past couple of days, I know – KNOW - I am deeply blessed. God has certainly been better to me than I deserve. Feels like GRACE to me.  

Do you ever struggle with a negative attitude? What do you do?

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

I hate it when people think something of me that isn’t true. It bothers me. A lot. Even the little things.

Today I went into the cleaners to pick up a shirt and pair of slacks for my husband that I had taken back to be redone. When I had gotten them home last week, John found random stains on the clothes that were not there before. One being a neon orange spot.

When I took them back, I was very polite in explaining about the stains and asking them to re-do both items. The older woman working there has always been very nice, and we have a nice rapport. She was apologetic when she took them back, and I assured her it was no problem.

Today, she showed me on the slacks the stains they could not remove after trying again. She apologized, and I thanked her and told her it was okay. I thought it was all fine. When I hung them on a hook in the closet, I noticed the note attached to the invoice that she had written. It read, “Customer extremely unhappy when she dropped them off.”

I was so surprised. I read it three more times, just to make sure I was not misunderstanding that she was insuating I had been angry or hostile. I know I was very nice and polite when I took them back. I could not believe that she wrote that. It kind of hurt my feelings the rest of the day.

A couple of weeks ago, at a neighborhood birthday party, a neighbor said she saw me in another neighbor’s backyard. I told her it was not me, that I did not know them. She didn’t believe me. She asked, “Are you sure? It looked just like you.” I again, told her no, that I had never been to this person’s home. Again her response was, “But I swore it was you. It looked just like you.”

This neighbor I had apparently (or not) been having a barbeque with, is one that she and a few others dislike, as it turns out. Which explained why I suddenly was getting a cold shoulder from some of the neighbors the past month. I had wondered why they went from warm to frigid and avoidance overnight, now I knew. One neighbor was convinced she saw me with their collective frenemy, and told all the surrounding families that I was incahoots with their adversary.

I’m still not positive she believed that it was not me. (But it does make me want to go knock on the outcast neighbor and invite her over for coffee.) Regardless, it bothered me for days that I was being wrongly accused and gossiped about by women who barely knew me.

Many moons ago, I was close friends with a girl in school, that overnight decided she no longer wanted to be friends. For weeks, I had no idea what happened to the friendship. Finally, through the ever-so-trusty (yes, sarcasm) rumor mill, I was told that she hated me because I had said something bad about her mother. The details are fuzzy if she made this up herself or if someone told her and she believed them, but nonetheless, I had never said anything ill of her mother.

Quite the contrary, I really liked this girl’s mother. I thought she was an excellent mother, and she had always treated me with kindness. I had nothing but respect for this mom. The idea that this rumor may have gotten back to the mother hurt my feelings more than the loss of the friendship. And it stuck with me for years.

I guess this is just one of those ugly parts of life. Not everyone is going to be honest in their assessment of you. Sometimes it is a big deal, others less significant. Sometimes you dwell on it for hours, others for years. No matter how hard you may try to act with integrity or kindness, someone will always react on the contrary. Not everyone, but someone.

Maybe, just maybe, these issues that arise, are a harvest from seeds planted when I acted short-tempered with someone. Or when I said something before thinking that could have hurt another’s feelings. The Bible is very clear in the illlustration of sowing and reaping.

At any rate, not everyone is going to have something nice to say about us, and it can be hurtful. But we know that not everyone said nice things about Christ. They still don’t even today. I guess the answer for us, is when we have hurt feelings from being wrongly accused of something, that we lay it at the foot of the cross. He knows first-hand how we feel, and He is faithful to help us get past it.

 “No weapon formed against you will prosper; And every tongue that accuses you in judgment you will condem. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, And their vindication is from Me,” declares the LORD.  Isaiah 54:17 NAS

Thursday, October 13, 2011

I feel like an old dog trying to learn all the new things I am having to do as I follow God’s lead into the unknown. The unknown for me, that is. He knows exactly where we are headed. But I find myself having to learn about social media, marketing (unlike ever before), and the techniques of writing, blogging and speaking. After all, shouldn’t we always be honing our skill, whether it be a career, parenting or even a hobby?

I find myself reading more and more books and articles on blogging and writing. One of the most common reoccurences that is mentioned is the importance of consistency. It is partly the old adage, practice makes perfect, but also that to be effective you must be consistent because others want you to be dependable. Many reader comments said they want to know they can count on the writer to have something fresh and relevant.

I find that true in life in all areas; consistency is imperative. My children rely on me to be consistent. They thrive in the routine of our schedules; they find security in it. They also desperately need me to be consistent with a consequence for bad behavior. Sometimes that is really hard. Especially if you made the promise of a punishment when you were mad, or hours from home. By the time you reach home, you are cooled off and no longer feel like following through.

It is hard to consistently be consistent sometimes. I just don’t always feel like it. But how will I teach my children to do what they are supposed to, not what they feel like, if I operate purely on my feelings? As adults, we know feelings are fickle. And life is made up of choices to do things that are responsible, even when we don’t want to do it. But we should.

Yes, consistency is vital. In any area we want to be successful in our lives, including our diet and healthy habits. I am fully aware, that God is the one true consistent in my life. In order for me to be up to this challenge, I am going to have to rely on Him. Fortunately, His Word promises that we can have victory over letting our feelings control our actions. I will stand on that.

I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13    

Question: Do you struggle with being consistent in an area in your life?

Thursday, September 8, 2011

I will take my slice of humble pie now, while it is still warm. Anabelle has served me my portion, and I am remorseful.

Before our move from Las Vegas, Anabelle began telling me she wanted to take ballet lessons. I told her once we were moved and settled in, that I would look into it for her. About a month after our move, she reminded me that I told her we could check into ballet lessons. She was only 4 years old when she asked, so I guess I was a little surprised that she even remembered that conversation. But we slipped into a busy life quickly here, so I just never made it a priority to look into a dance studio.

A few weeks ago I received a flyer in the mail for a league with flag football and cheerleading. The two younger boys wanted to play flag football, so I thought, “Bingo! Anabelle can do cheerleading instead of ballet.” I enrolled her along with the boys, but never asked her about it.

She has seemed less than thrilled with cheerleading, only showing the occasional sign of enjoyment at practices. Tonight she went back and forth with her interest. Before practice started, some of the bigger girls were doing cartwheels and minor gymnastics feats. Anabelle watched them with frustration, as she tried to accomplish the moves they were making. Her little face was so sad and I could tell she was disappointed that she could not do what the bigger girls were doing.

I waved her over to me so I could encourage her. I told her she was doing good, as she complained that she could not do what they were doing. I explained that they had probably had gymnastics lessons to learn that and she just had not taken a gymnastics class before.

She replied quietly to me, “See, I knew I could not do the flips. That is why I said I wanted to do ballet but you just put me in cheerleading.” Her words were too old for her 5 year old little body. And they stung.

She ran back out to the grass while I sat there with a heavy heart, feeling really guilty of my actions. It broke my heart because what she was really saying is that I did not put value on her feelings. I made her feel like what she wanted was not important to me. She was completely right in what she said, at least about me “just putting her in cheerleading.”

She was working hard to learn the moves. It's kinda cute with her little belly showing. Someday she will be mortified if she sees I put it in a blog.

She likes the cheers where they shake their bottoms. She does that well.

Last week they painted banners for the football players to run through. It was funny to see the little ones write "defense" but then draw flowers on it.

My thought process was all about logistics and making things simpler when I signed the kids up for their respective teams. They all would practice at the same location, therefore, making the carpooling back and forth doable. But that is mom-business, not what a 5 year old needs to be concerned with.

I blew it by not talking to her about the cheerleading and the ballet. I know I am going to make many decisions that are against her wishes in the years to come, but this was an opportunity to at least validate her feelings and let her know that I did hear her. I feel really bad and she was spot-on with her comment. Tomorrow, when we have time to talk, I am going to apologize to her. And have a discussion about cheerleading…and ballet.

The saddest part is that she has told me before, “You’re not listening to me.” And until she pointed it out tonight, I had ignored those words, too. I can’t let the harried chaos and loud happenings in our home drown out what she has to say. By my actions, I will send her the wrong message that she is not as important as everyone else, for she most certainly is. Yes, I do have an apology to make. A big one.

Am I the only mother to eat humble pie with her children?